My Heart For You

Inside me I have so much stuff. I have passion, knowledge, punchlines, jokes, wisdom, an extensive vocabulary, conviction, laughter, and a strong burning desire to share all those things with you.

Why do I feel compelled to do this?

Mainly because I know how bad music on the radio really is.  They talk about shallow, destructive things that don't really help anyone. But they're so dang catchy most people don't even know what they're listening to because it sounds so sweet.

If you didn't know, I make Hip Hop/Rap music. I also sing in English and Spanish. I want to make wonderful, beautiful, strong, clever music that edifies, encourages and supports you.

Here's the thing.

While I MAY have somewhere to record, and I can find time to write, what I'm missing is a key piece. I need beats.  I don't have the time or capabilities to sit down for hours at a time and dig through samples to make beats.  Even if I did, most of the time when I make beats I can't ever really write to them.

That said, beats/instrumentals are a key piece to making music.  I'd either need to find someone to help me get quality beats to rhyme on, or get a little help in being able to buy beats.  I've gotten good beats for as little as 150$. Believe me, that is cheap when it comes to beats.

I'm not asking for anyone to buy a beat for me. Unless you want to. ;)

What I AM asking for is help. Monetary help? Pretty much. I'm basically a bum on the corner asking everyone who reads this for a couple bucks for a beer...I mean cup of coffee...I mean beat.  I wouldn't use any money given to me for anything but making music.  How do you know that I'm telling the truth?

It takes a good deal of strength to put something, like this, that a normal person would think is humiliating, on the internet.

Welp, that's bout it. I want to make good music for you and I'm asking for help.

I'm saying I need your help.

Here's a sample. I made this beat a while back, and I got Playdough and ManChild on the track. Two AWESOME MCs. I'm not expecting to make money or get famous from my music. I just want to make it for you.



Ready to rock,

dumbstruck
the big dummie
dumbstruck.bandcamp.com

Is it Real, Though?

I know, it's been a while…but hey, that's life, right?

So, about a year and a half ago as some of you may recall, the fellowship my family and I were attending decided that they were going to go in a direction, that after much prayer and consideration, I didn't feel called to take my family into.  They were trying to get the whole fellowship to concentrate their presence into one area and were going to not gather the entire congregation any more.  They were then switching to home churches.  This would have called for me to sell or rent my house and relocate my family to another area.  Not that, for the sake of the gospel, I wouldn't do something like that. On the contrary, I couldn't move my family because I am convicted and convinced that this is precisely where God wants us to be for the foreseeable future.  Also, unable to find somewhere to rent within our price range that would be suitable for my family, it would have been an unwise choice for me as a husband, a  father, and a steward of what God has given us to make.

That said, there was also other information that was used against me, which really had little bearing on our walk as a family, my walk as a man, or the impact the gospel has had on our lives.  Was what I did wrong? Yes. But was it grounds for excommunicating me and my family? Probably not.  Yes, I still struggle with things of the flesh.  Yes, my speech is not always edifying or right. Yes, I still lust. Yes, I still fight to keep my own mind every day.

But you know what?

I'm fighting.

I'm trying every day to be a better man of God. I'm trying and praying to be a better man for my boys, for my wife, for myself, and most importantly, for the glory of the God that gives me mercy, grace and love every day.  It took some time to fight bitterness from growing in my heart.  It took love and encouragement from God's children to stifle those seeds from taking root and flourishing into hate and spite and spewing venom about all those people that were just able to so quickly turn their backs on someone they had supposedly considered family just days prior.

After the Lord gave us a great fellowship of believers here in our own neighborhood, the ONE true friend I have that still attended our old fellowship informed me that they were going back to the way they did things before my family and I left. The reasons they have for returning to this way are varied, and I only pray God's best for them.  I have always only ever loved them and wished God's blessings for them.  I don't even know if they know that.  If they knew us, they'd know it's true.

The purpose of this post is not to say I was right or anything the like.  The purpose of this post is to ask, if someone is truly part of The Family of God, like you say they are, how is it so easy to just "excommunicate" someone after they've committed what you consider a grievous enough sin?  How could you just have gone so cold so quickly towards me and my family?  How could you turn your backs so abruptly on our sister?  Were our sins so grave that they brought utter shame to Christ's name? Were our sins so severe that we're now living lives that have no evidence of God's grace or love or mercy?

I would be hard pressed to say yes.  God's love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy are still ever present in our lives.  Having been through the emotions that my beloved sister is now going through, my Mrs and I have been talking with her and praying for her.  I don't know if you'll read this, but I write it to encourage everyone out there that God's grace and love are bigger than any failure we've suffered or felt we've had imposed on us.  Our God's love and forgiveness is more massive than us failing to walk on the path the way that you've instructed us to do so.

We deeply appreciated your community, relationship, love, and friendship. So, I ask…in the end, was it real?

The Bicycle Diaries (8 Years)

Our beginning was anything but lovely.  She couldn't stand me and I didn't even know she existed the first time we met.  Didn't even know anything about anything until April 5th 2005.  Its been 8 years. It hasn't been perfect.  It hasn't been easy.  But it has been filled with Christ's grace, forgiveness, and babies.

This won't be a long post.  Its a post to be thankful for the bride God gave me.  It's a testament to how much bigger God is than our knowledge, sense of justice, and imperfections.  It's a testament to how God builds families and we just get the great privilege to live in them. 

God is the one that's made this possible.  Not my beautiful, wonderful, broken wife.  And most certainly not me.  You know me.  I am far from perfect.  God heals and strengthens.  God binds and covers.  God has made our relationship and our love deeper.  And Lord, thank you.

Rapper's Legacy

In my short time on Twitter, I've seen a different side to social media. Just like with Facebook, there's a very fine edge that you've got to make sure you're aware of.  Investing yourself too much can happen too easily.  But, that is not the point of this post.  This post is dedicated to talking about what I've seen in the lives of many of the rappers I follow.

Some of them I've appreciated for a long time.  Some of them I've only started following because other rappers I follow follow them.  Re-read that if you have to get it...hahaha. I had to type it really slow after thinking it through twice and thrice.  The thing about these rappers is that they've shared an aspect of their lives that I hadn't really thought about.

They have children.

Royce the 5' 9", Sean Mandela, Dres, Illus, Playdough, Manchild, Eminem, (I don't follow any of the next rappers, but they have kids) Nelly, TI, The Game, and many others that I can't recall.  I've seen some of them tweet/talk about their kids.  I've read about how they love their kids.  I've read about how they're gonna discipline their kids, and what shows their kids love, and how much they enjoy parenthood even though it's a challenge.

Why do I bring up rappers and their kids? Because, they know what its like to have children.  They know what its like to love their kids and to sacrifice for them and to have to discipline them.  They want good things for their kids.  They want to give their kids good things and teach them good things.

They want to leave their kids a legacy.

So what?  They're probably all well off and capable of ensuring their children are provided for, right?  Well, that has very little to do with actually leaving their children a legacy.  Some of them (SEE: Just About All Of Them) make music with lyrics that talk about drugs, or violence, or sex with whores.  Some of their music, while displaying their gift, speaks in unedifying ways about life and the things we do.  Granted, some of those things are just a part of many of our lives in this sinful world, but glorifying it is no legacy that any parent that truly loves their children wants.

We want our children to be able to follow our example.  We want to be unashamed to tell our children that we walked in goodness and in love.  While I know, for the most part, that most of their lyrics are just to showcase their talents, to a listener who has no context, they are ridiculous, violent, destructive, venomous songs.

Royce the 5' 9" is a recovered/recovering alcoholic.  He did it for many reasons, but he sees how much it means to be sober and straight for his children.  He can see clearly how much more meaningful life is and how he can enjoy his family all the more without constantly being clouded.  He can more clearly see what it means to be a man of example for his children to follow.

With that said, what is your legacy?  Are you leaving a legacy that you won't be ashamed of for your children?  Are you living a life that is filled with goodness, grace, mercy, truth, strength, justice, and love?  If you're not, and you're still reading, only Christ can help you have a legacy that can change you and your family, and community, for generations.  A life and legacy for Christ is one that we can all be unashamed of.  It's not easy, because as much as I want to and am trying, I fail.  But, God is good and forgives me, and my children see that and see my walk.  They know that I love them and strive to be a strong man for them and for God.

Make sure your legacy is more than stale morals and money.  Give your kids more than you could ever afford.

How do we Pray for Professional Athletes?

The last couple weeks that I've been watching my San Francisco 49ers go through the playoffs, I've come to a point where I think to myself, "I'm going to pray for them."  And then, I hit the proverbial wall.  What am I going to pray for? That they win?  Though God knows who is going to win, what help is it to anyone anywhere if I pray for something so selfish and seemingly stupid?

I'd been wrestling with how professional athletes walk in faith and how they can be a witness on the field.  I've kind of come to the conclusion that while they're doing their job on the field, not much other than a prayer for protection from injury would seem rather vane.  Ultimately though, if athletes are believers, the true testing of their faith, when it comes to their job, is when they walk off the field.  Or, in some cases, when they are carried, carted, or walked off the field.

When an athlete fails in his position, he can despair.  Even more so if he or she feels like the team lost because of their failure.  If an athlete does well, but feels like they're looked over because other people seemed to have performed that much better, that may plant a seed of bitterness or resentment in their heart.  If an athlete suffers an injury that ends their season, or worse, their career, they may feel great loss and despair.  If an athlete does well in their position, they could possibly become prideful.  Again, even more so if their team wins and the win can in any way be attributed to their performance. 

All of these things are struggles that we as people face, but professional athletes so much more because of how people idolize them and the pressure placed on them by their families, their teammates and the coaching staff/management.  The pressure of expectation of performance, the allure of celebrity, and yes, even a professional athlete's desire to be recognized and appreciated, can all lead to sin.  And this is how we can pray for them.

We can pray that God would console them when they are injured, regardless of whether or not they will be able to play any more.  That He would show them that He is the true comforter of their hearts.  We can pray that when they fail, that they not feel despair at their own failure, but feel loved and more than conquerors, regardless of the email or tweets they receive saying otherwise.  We can pray that the Lord give them humble hearts so that celebrity and the short-lived flash of this life not capture their hearts and destroy them from within.  We can pray that the Lord use their position to shine, instead of allowing lust and vanity to consume their thoughts and actions.  We can pray that they find their accomplishment and recognition in God instead of the questions of press and the adoration of their fans.

To some degree, we all face these things, so really, in the end, we should be praying for each other in all of these aspects as well.  Because all of our hearts face these situations and we should not lose sight of God's loving truth.  Even if our job is to make it to the SuperBowl...or not.

The Words of our Mouth Versus the Words of our Heart

Some of you may have seen this on my Twitter:

#Thingsyouproblydidntknowaboutme "Fuck" is one of my favorite words.
— Johnny Crash (@dumbstruckMC) January 19, 2013

And it got me to thinking about the implications that that might have to some of my friends and people in general that don't know me very well.  My previous post is pretty heavy with words that some would consider "bad, cussing, or curse words."  As this is a topic that I've had on my mind and in my heart for a good while, I figured that this was as good a time as any to talk about our words.

The words that come out of our mouths tend to define who we are.  What we say, to who we say it, and how we say it all form the personality that a person or people know of us.  There's accents, regional sayings, slang, and so many other things that can be taken into consideration when it comes to speech and communication.  Some people believe that certain words should or shouldn't be said.  But, when it comes down to it, what is a good word?  And what, if any, is a bad word?

Think about this situation. You're minding your own business sitting at a table, reading your book.  A family member sits down in your proximity and puts down a glass of juice and knocks it over...on to your book and into your lap.  Your good time, interrupted, triggers a reflex reaction in your mind.  Angry, you proclaim, "What is your FREAKING problem?!"

Did you say a "bad" word? Did you REALLY cuss? No.  But in your heart, that "freaking" was just as efficient as a "fucking."  The word that came out of your mouth was "cleaner," but the intention in your heart was all the same.  Does it "sound" better?  I suppose one could say that it does.  In the end, the intention and emotion in your heart was the same, regardless of the words that came out of your mouth.

As a people, our words are supposed to be loving, filled with grace, edifying, and wise.  What does this mean?  It means that regardless of your situation, you should have your head and heart in check and always choose your words wisely and prayerfully.  Are there situations where using words like "shit and asshole and fuck" might help someone on their level to understand the gravity of their situation?  Absolutely.  A preacher in a three piece suit is not going to get very far in Southeast San Diego.  And with that said, you have to know who you're talking to, and really rely on the Spirit to give you the words and move in your heart.  By no means would I or should we use those words in every situation, but they most definitely have their time and place.  Whether you use those words or not, your heart and your intention are what matter and normally are conveyed, felt, and clear to the listener.

I don't always use these words in every day life.  I have groups of people who I know are offended by them who never hear them come out of my mouth.  I also have groups of people who I know that know that my use of these words in no way affects my walk with Christ.  I don't wish to offend anyone with my words.  And that should be the case, regardless of our situation.  Whether we're reacting to an adverse condition, or trying to preach the gospel, we should be mindful of our words and the intention of our hearts.

Just because you're not "cussing" does not mean you're not saying "bad words."

The Beauty and Blessing That is Woman: The Beginning

**This is a blog series that I'm writing in tandem with a good friend, Ronel Sidney.  I really think that the Lord gave us this purpose, to come together and write something to build and bless and share His knowledge and wisdom.  I want to pray through and bless you with as much of God's word as I can.**

With that said, my start will be...at the beginning.  Or at least within a couple days of the beginning.

Genesis 2:18-23 (ESV) The verses will be in blue, and my commentary will be in black. Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Read what it says.  It says that God saw man's need for a "helper fit for him."  It doesn't say a servant that was inferior to him.  It doesn't say a slave who would do everything he said.  It says a "helper fit for him."  It's clearly pointing out that man needed someone to walk with him, to help him in life, and to love him.  Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. Here we see some of the work the man had done before Eve was made.  He was naming all of the creatures.  Also, it's pointing out that everything, including man, was made "from the earth."  But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.  Despite all his work, and looking, Adam could not find a "helper fit for him."  He could not find the companionship or help that his soul needed.  He could not find the help and love that the Lord knew he required.  So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Really, God anesthetized Adam, took a rib out, and made Eve.  It was from man, that God made woman.  It seems only fitting that one of Adam's ribs was used.  I'm sure some of us have heard some of the reasons God used a rib:

1. God did not use a piece of his skull so that woman would not believe herself to be above her man
2. God did not use one of his toes so that man would not believe himself above his woman
3. God used a rib because it was on Adams side, where Eve was to walk with him...right next to him
4. God used a rib because Adam was meant to keep Eve safe, under his arms
5. God used a rib because it was near to Adam's heart

These are wonderful reasons our God did things the way He did.  The deliberate and intentional love contained in just creation itself reveals a lot about the relationship between man and woman.  Man and woman are to work together, walk together, love each other, and be one flesh.  How can the right hand do good work without the left hand?  Can the right hand hate the left hand?  No.  And as such, man and woman are to work together, under the Lord, for His glory.

With that said, while we walk together, our jobs and callings will be different.  God, in His sovereignty, has seen fit to hold man ultimately accountable for his family and their spiritual shepherding.  This does not mean that the woman plays no part, but simply that God will hold the man ultimately accountable in the end.

Look at what happened in Genesis 3.  Woman is deceived into eating from the forbidden tree.  And the Bible says that she just turned around and gave some to Adam and he ate.  And they saw they were naked, and sewed fig leaves together.  Then they heard God walking through the Garden in the cool of the day.  Imagine how ashamed and afraid of their loving Creator they had to be, to hide on such a perfect and wonderful day.  And then God calls out to the man.  They have a discussion.  God brings His discipline and judgement, with a promise of the Messiah.  

But, in the end, He held Adam accountable for what his wife had done.  Adam tried to pass the buck, but God wasn't having it.  God made it clear that Adam should have shepherded and guarded his bride's heart against the serpent.  Regardless of who sinned first, the judgement was heaviest on the man.  God may have multiplied Eve's pain in childbirth, but God cursed the earth because of Adam.  God said in Genesis 3:17-19"...cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return."  

No matter how man and woman were called to walk together, man was held in judgement for his wife's actions and his lack of action.  This is how God said it is to be.  Some people, men and women, might take issue with this.  They might call God "unfair" or "unjust."  Who are we to say that our almighty God is unfair and unjust in how He has planned out for things to be?  We are to live according to His purpose and rest in His sovereignty.  Does this mean that God does not make exceptions? No.  He absolutely has.  But His plan and intention has never changed.

In part 2, I will address some of those women that God chose and the Proverbs 31 woman.  I pray that this has been a good beginning to us finding ourselves not in what we believe is our identity and our sense of justice, but in God's grace, power, and love.

You got your FaceSpace, and your MyFace, and your Tweetr...

I love social media.  I get to interact with friends and family who are far away.  I get to express my opinion across the vast nothingness that is the internet so that others might find out where to eat, who to listen to or what to do when your friend is on fire.  I love the opportunities presented by having social media.  But there is at least one thing that makes me...I think it's sad, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Most of the time, I love reading what people stream across the internet.  I love seeing pictures of my friends that don't live close to me right now.  I hate seeing only their pictures and reading their words, but at least I get to still see a little part of their lives.  I love to read the genuinely funny things that some of the people I follow on Twitter say.  I love seeing how much of a passion Evidence (one of the MCs from Dilated Peoples) has for beautiful photography. I love keeping up with my Niners. Red and Gold!  I love the insight and wisdom that brothers like Pastor Mark give. I love I love interacting, even if nothing ever get's said back to me.

But, this is where the struggle comes in.  There is a side to social media that is ugly and swallows up peoples lives.  They seek satisfaction on unhealthy levels through it.  They beg and plead for people they follow to retweet what they say because "they're a huge fan" or because it's their/mom's/kid's/dad's/dog's birthday.  They ask and beg for people to follow them.  They say things that they wouldn't say in public.  Those things make it quite obvious that they are desperate.  Desperate for what?  Fulfillment.  They seek to have affirmation and to feel like they matter.  They feel like the people/celebrities they follow are the only people that they can draw this from.

I won't lie.  Sometimes my heart starts to think like that.  I wish that one of the "celebrities" that I follow would respond to me, make me feel like I'm a "real person," do something that would validate my action.  But you know, my heart is quickly called back to the truth.  My life, my heart, and my identity are not found in what I tweet or what I put on my Facebook.  My life, my heart, my identity, my validation and my worth are all found in Christ.  Again, I'm not perfect...and sometimes I start to wish that someone on one of those social platforms would "pay attention" to me and say..."GREAT JOB, JUAN!"

But you know what? God is so much more loving, attentive and caring than any of those "celebrities" or people could ever be.  His love and grace are so deep and reach far passed any place any validation by an athlete or musician could bring.  The elation of a retweet wears off rather quickly.  The love of our Father endures and strengthens and calls us back.  We can't and shouldn't look to anyone on Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else to make us feel alive.  Our life should be a reflection of God's immense love and grace that fills every single bit of our lives till it overflows!

One of the MANY verses that speaks of God's changing and sustaining power and love. Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Where is God?

For a long time now, I've had this brewing, and with yesterday's tragedy, it just brought it all to a head, in my head.  Please please please read it all the way through.  If it doesn't seem to make sense, and you get angry, just read it all the way through so you can REALLY hate me.  But know that God loves you regardless.

• 5 million children a year die from hunger and malnutrition, around the world
• Hundreds of thousands of women, children and men are raped every year
• Women, children and men are sold in to sexual slavery around the world to be exploited till they are either too old, sick with disease, or dead
• Men, women, and children are killed and their organs harvested and sold on the black market
• Over 12 million babies have been aborted since the turn of the century
• There was a murder every 36 minutes, in 2011, in the United states
• Of those murders, 8,552 were committed with a gun of some kind
• Of THOSE murders, 1,220 were committed in the state of California
• A large majority of the world lives at or beneath the poverty line (Israel's poverty line is $7.30 per person per day)

I could run off a list of facts that would just continue to enrage or depress you, or both.  The point is, we live in a world that is overflowing with injustice, depravity, death, greed, and pollution.  Some still cry out, "Where is God?"  God has not left.  God is still sitting, waiting to be called on by His creations which He loves and seeks to redeem.  

"But if He is God, why does He allow such evil to happen?  Why would he allow His creation to suffer so much?  Why would He ALLOW children to die of hunger, rape, murder, and all the other evil things that happen every second of every day around the world?"  So many people use these questions to get angry with God.  So many people are blind to the simple truth.

God has ever been present in our lives and world, and is but a heartbeat away from producing a life-altering change within us that would transform our lives, our families, our communities, our cities, and inevitably, the world.  Change does start with one person, Christ.  Only He can change our hearts and fill them with a wonderful love for our neighbors and neighborhood.  And a neighborhood is the basis of community.  To live in community, through Christ, would radically change many things.  

1.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5   The darkness could not hide if we were bound in community through Christ.  What does this mean?  It means that truly perverse people with dark hard hearts would flee from the people of God to seek a safer place to do their evil deeds.  They would not be able to abide in the truth and light of God and His people.  

2.  Also, there would not be one person in the community that did not feel loved.  There are literally dozens of verses in the Bible that speak of the community of God loving one another.  With this, no one would feel depressed or alone or abandoned.  God's love brings us into community and His community is filled with love.

But, without realizing that we are poor, needy, destitute sinners that can offer God nothing but our surrender to His love, we can only stand in our pride, which is nothing but filthy rags when compared to a mighty and everlasting God.  Think about this, say you're wrong about God existing and when you die you stand before Him and say, "Well, I was a good person."  He will say to you " 'I tell you, I do not know where you come from. Depart from me, all you workers of evil!' Luke 13:27."  You can bring God NOTHING.  But even so, He still wants to bless you and me, sinners, with more than we could ever imagine.  

God wants you and me to see how much we need Him.  He wants us to turn away from our evil deeds, from our selfish ways, and to turn to Him and say, "Lord, here I am, create in me a clean heart."  He wants us to see how much change He can do in us and through us for our family, our neighbors, our city and the world to see.

Don't get angry because God doesn't step in and stamp out evil with one breath.  He most certainly could, but He doesn't.  Why?  Because He is filled with mercy and His heart breaks that everyone would know Him as Father.  Don't look to Washington, DC to solve our problems, because they are only corrupt men and women, just like us.  The change must start with us.  The change must come from Christ.

Now, you might think these the ramblings of a crazy person.  I'm ok with that.  Just know that I'm not talking about starting up our own "Christian City" where we're all safe from evil and we don't let anyone not with us in.  No, quite the contrary, I'm saying that we need to put our lives for Christ on display, right where they are, in our neighborhoods, jobs, and cities, for the world to see and feel God's love and know Him in spirit and in truth.

God has not left you friend.  He is knocking at the door of your heart.

A Response to the Curse of the American Church

So, upon reading the blog post which can be found here: The Curse of the American Church, I started thinking, "Is this the case?"  Are churches in America so concerned with success that they care more about growth than actual life together, mission, and gospelling one another?  I examined the churches I've had the blessing to be a part of, and the churches I've had the blessing to know people from, and came to the conclusion that no, not all churches in America are so concerned with growth alone that they marginally do the things that should come naturally from living a Spirit filled life.

If you've never heard the saying, "It is more important to be faithful than it is to be successful," think about what the implications of it are.  Let it roll around in your mind and heart for a bit.  Personally, it means that a "great" job that provides for your family might not be a good thing if you have to sacrifice your family to be in that good job.  My brothers and sisters in the Armed Forces, I know this applies to you because I was in your shoes.  Just because we're doing something we think is a "good" thing for our families, doesn't mean we're doing the right thing for our families.  

Corporately in the Church, this means that we can not focus on trivial things such as butts in seats.  While it is important to see that there are butts in seats, our mission and focus is not to scramble frantically to do something about filling them.  We are to live our lives out in the light of God's truth, filled with Christ's love, and lead by the Holy Spirit.  In doing these things, people will be drawn to God, not by our attempts to befriend them through a game of basketball or a meal we share, but by the presence of His Holy Spirit and His heavy and holy hand upon them.  Their spirit will thirst and seek to fulfill that thirst in the only way it knows how, by coming to church to hear His word.  The church, on fire for God, is what caused growth that is so clearly talked about and documented throughout the book of Acts.

Acts 2:47 "...And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. "

Acts 5:14 "And more than ever believers were added to the Lord, multitudes of both men and women, "

This verse explicitly states a good caveat that is very much implied in all the other verses...

Acts 9:31 "So the church throughout all Judea and Galilee and Samaria had peace and was being built up. And walking in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit, it multiplied."

And Acts 16:5 "So the churches were strengthened in the faith, and they increased in numbers daily."

So, while we can't and shouldn't measure "success" by growth and numbers alone, because our "success" is measured only by how we are walking, personally and corporately, with Christ, we should see growth in our churches.  Why "success" you say?  Because, "success" is never in the sights of a follower of Christ.  Following Christ is.

As the Pigeons Fly

I have to tell the truth
I have a weakness for women
In every state wherever I go
I know it isn't right I feel I'm barely swimming
And the waves keep on crashing down
After every show (Oh boy)
And what am I to do now
Where the hell is my crew now
Supposed to be watching my back
But they're jibbing too
And here she stands before me
And I'm trying to ignore thee
Possible chance of doing wrong
And now I sing my song

What is love, and am I in it
I really like girl and I think I should
What I feel, is there something in it
Cause if not I'm wasting her time
And that's just not good

I'm in the mall in Altadena
Looking through a new magazine
Takin' a little love test to see
If I'm even there
And now it's looking like I'm failing
And now I'm slowly inhaling
Is this issue of Sassy's for real
If so the next step's ill
And dude I'm way past confused now
What do I have to do now
Break up with the girl of my dreams
In the past made mistakes and
Regret every step so I say

And if I don't know what to say
And I'm just standing there in a daze
Please don't walk away so soon
My lady this it might just bloom
And if I don't know what to say
And I'm still standing there in a daze
Please don't walk away from me
Cause I am trapped now set me free

I have to tell the truth (ninjas)
Right now I have a girlfriend (uh oh)
And she'll probably break up with me
After hearing this song (it's like that)
But what am I to do ( I don't know)
I gotta share what I'm feeling (share it boy)
Cause if I can't tell the truth
Then there's something wrong
So I still ask

So I have to ask, So I have to ask
Da da dada, da da dadaadaa
I like you, I hate you
I want you, I love you
I like you, I hate you
I want you, I love you

I love the night sky...

I sit outside most nights. I just sit and look up into the dark blue canvas that is the sky...I love the moon. The pale white light it shines down in the night. It gives everything an almost nonexistent feel. It makes everything seem more cloudy and uncertain. Yet its that same white light that the moon shines down that I love to take in. I love to close my eyes and feel it brighten my sight.

I love the moon and the pale light it bathes everything in. But the clouds in the sky make it seem so much further away than it already is. I sit, waiting for the clouds to part so that I might have some of that lovely light that I love to feel on my face and see light up the night like a dark blue dream. The clouds are thick most nights and steal the moonlight from me. When it does shine through the breaks in the banks of clouds it makes even the clouds look beautiful and dark. And when there's a big enough break, the moon in all its pale glory shines triumphantly down on me with its soft white light, making me feel alive.

But those clouds. I hate those clouds. I don't care about how much of the moon is shining, as long as its shining on me. It could be just a pail white nail clipping in the sky, or a huge white ball of light with the man in the moon looking down on me with his sad face. I love it no matter how much it is.

And the nights of new moon? I still go out and just wait and stare into the pitch that is the night. The stars are pretty and all, but they don't shine like the moon. Their light is insufficient and ,just like the song says, they just twinkle. On the nights I can't see the moon because of the clouds or new moon, I just sit there in the dark and look up and patiently wait for the moon to come back and shine down on me. I let my eyes just take in the night. After a while I do get up and go in knowing that the moon will be there for me sometime soon.

Te amo Luna.

Tremendous Times

Where do I start...I've spent the last two weeks at my home in San Diego, away from the insanity that is my job in Mobile Alabama. It was probably one of the best times I've had in my life. You know, I'm going to try to get through this without crying, but thinking about everything I was a part of these passed couple weeks, I don't know if that'll be totally possible.

I had never really thought of where I was presently in my life. Our oldest son is about to start Kindergarten and our little one is finally talking. He's going to be 3 in October and for a while he just refused to talk. But I just came to the realization the other day that my kids think that I'm a superhero. I'm the daddy that can do it all. I know everything and I'm scared of nothing and there's nothing I can't do or invent, in their little minds. I love my boys so much and just thinking that thats where I'm at right now in life makes me miss them SOOO much more. To have them as babies is great, but now that I'm SUPERDAD...it sucks soooooo much to be away from them.

Juan Marco said that he hates daddy's job (because I've been away from them since October). Doing what, you ask? Nothing of any serious importance. But that's for another blog...a book maybe? Probably. Isaias is such a marvel. He LOVES his older brother SOOOO much. He follows him and copies him and sleeps with him and wants to do EVERYTHING his older brother does. I hope they never lose that relationship that they have right now. I have only one brother and I don't have the best of relationships with him, so I want our boys to have a special bond growing up.

I love my wife like crazy. More and more every day, whether I'm with her or not, I realize how much I love her and how sexy she really is. And I mean that in EVERY sense of the word. She drives me crazy no matter where we're at. We DO need to work on how we communicate though...jajaja...not that there's anything wrong with it, we just have different wiring schemes in our heads! But that just makes it more fun and interesting.

I can't thank God enough every day for all the blessings He's given me every day... my family, my life, my job, my health, the trials I go through that make me a stronger man for Him and for my family...and for my church. I love Kaleo. And I love Marina López and our 2 precious sons...Juan Marco and Isaias...

4 years today.

Today is an awesome day. Even though I'm not home to celebrate it, I thank God for my 4 year anniversary with my beloved wife, Marina. Its not easy, but it is wonderful. The way we get along, the way she supports me, loves me, and cares for me is remarkable. For a man to have a wife like mine is truly a blessing. She's strong, smart, her spirit is beautiful, and she's hot. God knew what He was doing when He made her...FOR ME!!!

I really can't begin to explain our love, our family, our dynamic...its like no other. Her sisters think I'm weird (guilty!). She talks to them sometimes about different things we do for each other...they mostly react in surprise, as if no other couple in the world did what we do for each other. I love her with all of me. Granted, its not much, but I love her like crazy. Her and our two wonderful, smart, beautiful boys.

I don't know...I can't really write too much right now...my mind is being pulled in 5 different directions on trains of thought of so many different things. Te amo mi reina!!! I hope every day to be a better man, father, and lover...so I can keep her in love with me. ;)

You remember that morning? I do. I LOVE that morning. I'll NEVER forget that morning. I looked at you and knew. It wasn't first time I'd laid my eyes on you...but it was the first time I REALLY saw you.