Is it Real, Though?

I know, it's been a while…but hey, that's life, right?

So, about a year and a half ago as some of you may recall, the fellowship my family and I were attending decided that they were going to go in a direction, that after much prayer and consideration, I didn't feel called to take my family into.  They were trying to get the whole fellowship to concentrate their presence into one area and were going to not gather the entire congregation any more.  They were then switching to home churches.  This would have called for me to sell or rent my house and relocate my family to another area.  Not that, for the sake of the gospel, I wouldn't do something like that. On the contrary, I couldn't move my family because I am convicted and convinced that this is precisely where God wants us to be for the foreseeable future.  Also, unable to find somewhere to rent within our price range that would be suitable for my family, it would have been an unwise choice for me as a husband, a  father, and a steward of what God has given us to make.

That said, there was also other information that was used against me, which really had little bearing on our walk as a family, my walk as a man, or the impact the gospel has had on our lives.  Was what I did wrong? Yes. But was it grounds for excommunicating me and my family? Probably not.  Yes, I still struggle with things of the flesh.  Yes, my speech is not always edifying or right. Yes, I still lust. Yes, I still fight to keep my own mind every day.

But you know what?

I'm fighting.

I'm trying every day to be a better man of God. I'm trying and praying to be a better man for my boys, for my wife, for myself, and most importantly, for the glory of the God that gives me mercy, grace and love every day.  It took some time to fight bitterness from growing in my heart.  It took love and encouragement from God's children to stifle those seeds from taking root and flourishing into hate and spite and spewing venom about all those people that were just able to so quickly turn their backs on someone they had supposedly considered family just days prior.

After the Lord gave us a great fellowship of believers here in our own neighborhood, the ONE true friend I have that still attended our old fellowship informed me that they were going back to the way they did things before my family and I left. The reasons they have for returning to this way are varied, and I only pray God's best for them.  I have always only ever loved them and wished God's blessings for them.  I don't even know if they know that.  If they knew us, they'd know it's true.

The purpose of this post is not to say I was right or anything the like.  The purpose of this post is to ask, if someone is truly part of The Family of God, like you say they are, how is it so easy to just "excommunicate" someone after they've committed what you consider a grievous enough sin?  How could you just have gone so cold so quickly towards me and my family?  How could you turn your backs so abruptly on our sister?  Were our sins so grave that they brought utter shame to Christ's name? Were our sins so severe that we're now living lives that have no evidence of God's grace or love or mercy?

I would be hard pressed to say yes.  God's love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy are still ever present in our lives.  Having been through the emotions that my beloved sister is now going through, my Mrs and I have been talking with her and praying for her.  I don't know if you'll read this, but I write it to encourage everyone out there that God's grace and love are bigger than any failure we've suffered or felt we've had imposed on us.  Our God's love and forgiveness is more massive than us failing to walk on the path the way that you've instructed us to do so.

We deeply appreciated your community, relationship, love, and friendship. So, I ask…in the end, was it real?

The Bicycle Diaries (8 Years)

Our beginning was anything but lovely.  She couldn't stand me and I didn't even know she existed the first time we met.  Didn't even know anything about anything until April 5th 2005.  Its been 8 years. It hasn't been perfect.  It hasn't been easy.  But it has been filled with Christ's grace, forgiveness, and babies.

This won't be a long post.  Its a post to be thankful for the bride God gave me.  It's a testament to how much bigger God is than our knowledge, sense of justice, and imperfections.  It's a testament to how God builds families and we just get the great privilege to live in them. 

God is the one that's made this possible.  Not my beautiful, wonderful, broken wife.  And most certainly not me.  You know me.  I am far from perfect.  God heals and strengthens.  God binds and covers.  God has made our relationship and our love deeper.  And Lord, thank you.

You got your FaceSpace, and your MyFace, and your Tweetr...

I love social media.  I get to interact with friends and family who are far away.  I get to express my opinion across the vast nothingness that is the internet so that others might find out where to eat, who to listen to or what to do when your friend is on fire.  I love the opportunities presented by having social media.  But there is at least one thing that makes me...I think it's sad, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Most of the time, I love reading what people stream across the internet.  I love seeing pictures of my friends that don't live close to me right now.  I hate seeing only their pictures and reading their words, but at least I get to still see a little part of their lives.  I love to read the genuinely funny things that some of the people I follow on Twitter say.  I love seeing how much of a passion Evidence (one of the MCs from Dilated Peoples) has for beautiful photography. I love keeping up with my Niners. Red and Gold!  I love the insight and wisdom that brothers like Pastor Mark give. I love I love interacting, even if nothing ever get's said back to me.

But, this is where the struggle comes in.  There is a side to social media that is ugly and swallows up peoples lives.  They seek satisfaction on unhealthy levels through it.  They beg and plead for people they follow to retweet what they say because "they're a huge fan" or because it's their/mom's/kid's/dad's/dog's birthday.  They ask and beg for people to follow them.  They say things that they wouldn't say in public.  Those things make it quite obvious that they are desperate.  Desperate for what?  Fulfillment.  They seek to have affirmation and to feel like they matter.  They feel like the people/celebrities they follow are the only people that they can draw this from.

I won't lie.  Sometimes my heart starts to think like that.  I wish that one of the "celebrities" that I follow would respond to me, make me feel like I'm a "real person," do something that would validate my action.  But you know, my heart is quickly called back to the truth.  My life, my heart, and my identity are not found in what I tweet or what I put on my Facebook.  My life, my heart, my identity, my validation and my worth are all found in Christ.  Again, I'm not perfect...and sometimes I start to wish that someone on one of those social platforms would "pay attention" to me and say..."GREAT JOB, JUAN!"

But you know what? God is so much more loving, attentive and caring than any of those "celebrities" or people could ever be.  His love and grace are so deep and reach far passed any place any validation by an athlete or musician could bring.  The elation of a retweet wears off rather quickly.  The love of our Father endures and strengthens and calls us back.  We can't and shouldn't look to anyone on Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else to make us feel alive.  Our life should be a reflection of God's immense love and grace that fills every single bit of our lives till it overflows!

One of the MANY verses that speaks of God's changing and sustaining power and love. Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.