Is it Real, Though?

I know, it's been a while…but hey, that's life, right?

So, about a year and a half ago as some of you may recall, the fellowship my family and I were attending decided that they were going to go in a direction, that after much prayer and consideration, I didn't feel called to take my family into.  They were trying to get the whole fellowship to concentrate their presence into one area and were going to not gather the entire congregation any more.  They were then switching to home churches.  This would have called for me to sell or rent my house and relocate my family to another area.  Not that, for the sake of the gospel, I wouldn't do something like that. On the contrary, I couldn't move my family because I am convicted and convinced that this is precisely where God wants us to be for the foreseeable future.  Also, unable to find somewhere to rent within our price range that would be suitable for my family, it would have been an unwise choice for me as a husband, a  father, and a steward of what God has given us to make.

That said, there was also other information that was used against me, which really had little bearing on our walk as a family, my walk as a man, or the impact the gospel has had on our lives.  Was what I did wrong? Yes. But was it grounds for excommunicating me and my family? Probably not.  Yes, I still struggle with things of the flesh.  Yes, my speech is not always edifying or right. Yes, I still lust. Yes, I still fight to keep my own mind every day.

But you know what?

I'm fighting.

I'm trying every day to be a better man of God. I'm trying and praying to be a better man for my boys, for my wife, for myself, and most importantly, for the glory of the God that gives me mercy, grace and love every day.  It took some time to fight bitterness from growing in my heart.  It took love and encouragement from God's children to stifle those seeds from taking root and flourishing into hate and spite and spewing venom about all those people that were just able to so quickly turn their backs on someone they had supposedly considered family just days prior.

After the Lord gave us a great fellowship of believers here in our own neighborhood, the ONE true friend I have that still attended our old fellowship informed me that they were going back to the way they did things before my family and I left. The reasons they have for returning to this way are varied, and I only pray God's best for them.  I have always only ever loved them and wished God's blessings for them.  I don't even know if they know that.  If they knew us, they'd know it's true.

The purpose of this post is not to say I was right or anything the like.  The purpose of this post is to ask, if someone is truly part of The Family of God, like you say they are, how is it so easy to just "excommunicate" someone after they've committed what you consider a grievous enough sin?  How could you just have gone so cold so quickly towards me and my family?  How could you turn your backs so abruptly on our sister?  Were our sins so grave that they brought utter shame to Christ's name? Were our sins so severe that we're now living lives that have no evidence of God's grace or love or mercy?

I would be hard pressed to say yes.  God's love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy are still ever present in our lives.  Having been through the emotions that my beloved sister is now going through, my Mrs and I have been talking with her and praying for her.  I don't know if you'll read this, but I write it to encourage everyone out there that God's grace and love are bigger than any failure we've suffered or felt we've had imposed on us.  Our God's love and forgiveness is more massive than us failing to walk on the path the way that you've instructed us to do so.

We deeply appreciated your community, relationship, love, and friendship. So, I ask…in the end, was it real?

The Bicycle Diaries (8 Years)

Our beginning was anything but lovely.  She couldn't stand me and I didn't even know she existed the first time we met.  Didn't even know anything about anything until April 5th 2005.  Its been 8 years. It hasn't been perfect.  It hasn't been easy.  But it has been filled with Christ's grace, forgiveness, and babies.

This won't be a long post.  Its a post to be thankful for the bride God gave me.  It's a testament to how much bigger God is than our knowledge, sense of justice, and imperfections.  It's a testament to how God builds families and we just get the great privilege to live in them. 

God is the one that's made this possible.  Not my beautiful, wonderful, broken wife.  And most certainly not me.  You know me.  I am far from perfect.  God heals and strengthens.  God binds and covers.  God has made our relationship and our love deeper.  And Lord, thank you.

Rapper's Legacy

In my short time on Twitter, I've seen a different side to social media. Just like with Facebook, there's a very fine edge that you've got to make sure you're aware of.  Investing yourself too much can happen too easily.  But, that is not the point of this post.  This post is dedicated to talking about what I've seen in the lives of many of the rappers I follow.

Some of them I've appreciated for a long time.  Some of them I've only started following because other rappers I follow follow them.  Re-read that if you have to get it...hahaha. I had to type it really slow after thinking it through twice and thrice.  The thing about these rappers is that they've shared an aspect of their lives that I hadn't really thought about.

They have children.

Royce the 5' 9", Sean Mandela, Dres, Illus, Playdough, Manchild, Eminem, (I don't follow any of the next rappers, but they have kids) Nelly, TI, The Game, and many others that I can't recall.  I've seen some of them tweet/talk about their kids.  I've read about how they love their kids.  I've read about how they're gonna discipline their kids, and what shows their kids love, and how much they enjoy parenthood even though it's a challenge.

Why do I bring up rappers and their kids? Because, they know what its like to have children.  They know what its like to love their kids and to sacrifice for them and to have to discipline them.  They want good things for their kids.  They want to give their kids good things and teach them good things.

They want to leave their kids a legacy.

So what?  They're probably all well off and capable of ensuring their children are provided for, right?  Well, that has very little to do with actually leaving their children a legacy.  Some of them (SEE: Just About All Of Them) make music with lyrics that talk about drugs, or violence, or sex with whores.  Some of their music, while displaying their gift, speaks in unedifying ways about life and the things we do.  Granted, some of those things are just a part of many of our lives in this sinful world, but glorifying it is no legacy that any parent that truly loves their children wants.

We want our children to be able to follow our example.  We want to be unashamed to tell our children that we walked in goodness and in love.  While I know, for the most part, that most of their lyrics are just to showcase their talents, to a listener who has no context, they are ridiculous, violent, destructive, venomous songs.

Royce the 5' 9" is a recovered/recovering alcoholic.  He did it for many reasons, but he sees how much it means to be sober and straight for his children.  He can see clearly how much more meaningful life is and how he can enjoy his family all the more without constantly being clouded.  He can more clearly see what it means to be a man of example for his children to follow.

With that said, what is your legacy?  Are you leaving a legacy that you won't be ashamed of for your children?  Are you living a life that is filled with goodness, grace, mercy, truth, strength, justice, and love?  If you're not, and you're still reading, only Christ can help you have a legacy that can change you and your family, and community, for generations.  A life and legacy for Christ is one that we can all be unashamed of.  It's not easy, because as much as I want to and am trying, I fail.  But, God is good and forgives me, and my children see that and see my walk.  They know that I love them and strive to be a strong man for them and for God.

Make sure your legacy is more than stale morals and money.  Give your kids more than you could ever afford.

The Beauty and Blessing That is Woman: The Beginning

**This is a blog series that I'm writing in tandem with a good friend, Ronel Sidney.  I really think that the Lord gave us this purpose, to come together and write something to build and bless and share His knowledge and wisdom.  I want to pray through and bless you with as much of God's word as I can.**

With that said, my start will be...at the beginning.  Or at least within a couple days of the beginning.

Genesis 2:18-23 (ESV) The verses will be in blue, and my commentary will be in black. Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Read what it says.  It says that God saw man's need for a "helper fit for him."  It doesn't say a servant that was inferior to him.  It doesn't say a slave who would do everything he said.  It says a "helper fit for him."  It's clearly pointing out that man needed someone to walk with him, to help him in life, and to love him.  Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. Here we see some of the work the man had done before Eve was made.  He was naming all of the creatures.  Also, it's pointing out that everything, including man, was made "from the earth."  But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.  Despite all his work, and looking, Adam could not find a "helper fit for him."  He could not find the companionship or help that his soul needed.  He could not find the help and love that the Lord knew he required.  So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Really, God anesthetized Adam, took a rib out, and made Eve.  It was from man, that God made woman.  It seems only fitting that one of Adam's ribs was used.  I'm sure some of us have heard some of the reasons God used a rib:

1. God did not use a piece of his skull so that woman would not believe herself to be above her man
2. God did not use one of his toes so that man would not believe himself above his woman
3. God used a rib because it was on Adams side, where Eve was to walk with him...right next to him
4. God used a rib because Adam was meant to keep Eve safe, under his arms
5. God used a rib because it was near to Adam's heart

These are wonderful reasons our God did things the way He did.  The deliberate and intentional love contained in just creation itself reveals a lot about the relationship between man and woman.  Man and woman are to work together, walk together, love each other, and be one flesh.  How can the right hand do good work without the left hand?  Can the right hand hate the left hand?  No.  And as such, man and woman are to work together, under the Lord, for His glory.

With that said, while we walk together, our jobs and callings will be different.  God, in His sovereignty, has seen fit to hold man ultimately accountable for his family and their spiritual shepherding.  This does not mean that the woman plays no part, but simply that God will hold the man ultimately accountable in the end.

Look at what happened in Genesis 3.  Woman is deceived into eating from the forbidden tree.  And the Bible says that she just turned around and gave some to Adam and he ate.  And they saw they were naked, and sewed fig leaves together.  Then they heard God walking through the Garden in the cool of the day.  Imagine how ashamed and afraid of their loving Creator they had to be, to hide on such a perfect and wonderful day.  And then God calls out to the man.  They have a discussion.  God brings His discipline and judgement, with a promise of the Messiah.  

But, in the end, He held Adam accountable for what his wife had done.  Adam tried to pass the buck, but God wasn't having it.  God made it clear that Adam should have shepherded and guarded his bride's heart against the serpent.  Regardless of who sinned first, the judgement was heaviest on the man.  God may have multiplied Eve's pain in childbirth, but God cursed the earth because of Adam.  God said in Genesis 3:17-19"...cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return."  

No matter how man and woman were called to walk together, man was held in judgement for his wife's actions and his lack of action.  This is how God said it is to be.  Some people, men and women, might take issue with this.  They might call God "unfair" or "unjust."  Who are we to say that our almighty God is unfair and unjust in how He has planned out for things to be?  We are to live according to His purpose and rest in His sovereignty.  Does this mean that God does not make exceptions? No.  He absolutely has.  But His plan and intention has never changed.

In part 2, I will address some of those women that God chose and the Proverbs 31 woman.  I pray that this has been a good beginning to us finding ourselves not in what we believe is our identity and our sense of justice, but in God's grace, power, and love.

You got your FaceSpace, and your MyFace, and your Tweetr...

I love social media.  I get to interact with friends and family who are far away.  I get to express my opinion across the vast nothingness that is the internet so that others might find out where to eat, who to listen to or what to do when your friend is on fire.  I love the opportunities presented by having social media.  But there is at least one thing that makes me...I think it's sad, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Most of the time, I love reading what people stream across the internet.  I love seeing pictures of my friends that don't live close to me right now.  I hate seeing only their pictures and reading their words, but at least I get to still see a little part of their lives.  I love to read the genuinely funny things that some of the people I follow on Twitter say.  I love seeing how much of a passion Evidence (one of the MCs from Dilated Peoples) has for beautiful photography. I love keeping up with my Niners. Red and Gold!  I love the insight and wisdom that brothers like Pastor Mark give. I love I love interacting, even if nothing ever get's said back to me.

But, this is where the struggle comes in.  There is a side to social media that is ugly and swallows up peoples lives.  They seek satisfaction on unhealthy levels through it.  They beg and plead for people they follow to retweet what they say because "they're a huge fan" or because it's their/mom's/kid's/dad's/dog's birthday.  They ask and beg for people to follow them.  They say things that they wouldn't say in public.  Those things make it quite obvious that they are desperate.  Desperate for what?  Fulfillment.  They seek to have affirmation and to feel like they matter.  They feel like the people/celebrities they follow are the only people that they can draw this from.

I won't lie.  Sometimes my heart starts to think like that.  I wish that one of the "celebrities" that I follow would respond to me, make me feel like I'm a "real person," do something that would validate my action.  But you know, my heart is quickly called back to the truth.  My life, my heart, and my identity are not found in what I tweet or what I put on my Facebook.  My life, my heart, my identity, my validation and my worth are all found in Christ.  Again, I'm not perfect...and sometimes I start to wish that someone on one of those social platforms would "pay attention" to me and say..."GREAT JOB, JUAN!"

But you know what? God is so much more loving, attentive and caring than any of those "celebrities" or people could ever be.  His love and grace are so deep and reach far passed any place any validation by an athlete or musician could bring.  The elation of a retweet wears off rather quickly.  The love of our Father endures and strengthens and calls us back.  We can't and shouldn't look to anyone on Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else to make us feel alive.  Our life should be a reflection of God's immense love and grace that fills every single bit of our lives till it overflows!

One of the MANY verses that speaks of God's changing and sustaining power and love. Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Where is God?

For a long time now, I've had this brewing, and with yesterday's tragedy, it just brought it all to a head, in my head.  Please please please read it all the way through.  If it doesn't seem to make sense, and you get angry, just read it all the way through so you can REALLY hate me.  But know that God loves you regardless.

• 5 million children a year die from hunger and malnutrition, around the world
• Hundreds of thousands of women, children and men are raped every year
• Women, children and men are sold in to sexual slavery around the world to be exploited till they are either too old, sick with disease, or dead
• Men, women, and children are killed and their organs harvested and sold on the black market
• Over 12 million babies have been aborted since the turn of the century
• There was a murder every 36 minutes, in 2011, in the United states
• Of those murders, 8,552 were committed with a gun of some kind
• Of THOSE murders, 1,220 were committed in the state of California
• A large majority of the world lives at or beneath the poverty line (Israel's poverty line is $7.30 per person per day)

I could run off a list of facts that would just continue to enrage or depress you, or both.  The point is, we live in a world that is overflowing with injustice, depravity, death, greed, and pollution.  Some still cry out, "Where is God?"  God has not left.  God is still sitting, waiting to be called on by His creations which He loves and seeks to redeem.  

"But if He is God, why does He allow such evil to happen?  Why would he allow His creation to suffer so much?  Why would He ALLOW children to die of hunger, rape, murder, and all the other evil things that happen every second of every day around the world?"  So many people use these questions to get angry with God.  So many people are blind to the simple truth.

God has ever been present in our lives and world, and is but a heartbeat away from producing a life-altering change within us that would transform our lives, our families, our communities, our cities, and inevitably, the world.  Change does start with one person, Christ.  Only He can change our hearts and fill them with a wonderful love for our neighbors and neighborhood.  And a neighborhood is the basis of community.  To live in community, through Christ, would radically change many things.  

1.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5   The darkness could not hide if we were bound in community through Christ.  What does this mean?  It means that truly perverse people with dark hard hearts would flee from the people of God to seek a safer place to do their evil deeds.  They would not be able to abide in the truth and light of God and His people.  

2.  Also, there would not be one person in the community that did not feel loved.  There are literally dozens of verses in the Bible that speak of the community of God loving one another.  With this, no one would feel depressed or alone or abandoned.  God's love brings us into community and His community is filled with love.

But, without realizing that we are poor, needy, destitute sinners that can offer God nothing but our surrender to His love, we can only stand in our pride, which is nothing but filthy rags when compared to a mighty and everlasting God.  Think about this, say you're wrong about God existing and when you die you stand before Him and say, "Well, I was a good person."  He will say to you " 'I tell you, I do not know where you come from. Depart from me, all you workers of evil!' Luke 13:27."  You can bring God NOTHING.  But even so, He still wants to bless you and me, sinners, with more than we could ever imagine.  

God wants you and me to see how much we need Him.  He wants us to turn away from our evil deeds, from our selfish ways, and to turn to Him and say, "Lord, here I am, create in me a clean heart."  He wants us to see how much change He can do in us and through us for our family, our neighbors, our city and the world to see.

Don't get angry because God doesn't step in and stamp out evil with one breath.  He most certainly could, but He doesn't.  Why?  Because He is filled with mercy and His heart breaks that everyone would know Him as Father.  Don't look to Washington, DC to solve our problems, because they are only corrupt men and women, just like us.  The change must start with us.  The change must come from Christ.

Now, you might think these the ramblings of a crazy person.  I'm ok with that.  Just know that I'm not talking about starting up our own "Christian City" where we're all safe from evil and we don't let anyone not with us in.  No, quite the contrary, I'm saying that we need to put our lives for Christ on display, right where they are, in our neighborhoods, jobs, and cities, for the world to see and feel God's love and know Him in spirit and in truth.

God has not left you friend.  He is knocking at the door of your heart.

The Uninvited

So, I'm here in Mobile, Alabama waiting for the ship I'm on to be finished. I'm away from my family and loved ones for I don't know how long. I've tried to deal with being away from home by making a friend...a lone (and by this I mean at least one) friend for me to confide in and trust and hang out with. I must be too trusting or gullible or naive or stupid...because I feel like a complete failure. For some reason I thought finding a friend, a SINGLE FUCKING friend, would have been something reasonably simple. But no.

My mom raised me to never invite myself to anything. To some this may seem conceited if you don't know me, but you know, thats how I was raised. I don't invite myself somewhere I'm not invited to unless its family or a friend. And you know what? No one has invited me to shit. I thought I had a couple of friends, maybe one more...but they've all proven to be really good acquaintances. And I'm not one to attempt to make a friendship with someone who's not going to reciprocate. And I also really don't care for acquaintances.

I thank God for every day I have to live and wait on His time. I want nothing but to have someone to turn to, someone to talk to, someone to be able to connect with. And I know I have that in Him. I just wish I had a little bit of that here in a person in Mobile Alabama.

I don't know...I can't quite find the words to make it sound the way I'm feeling it. It sucks, but its not that bad. Especially since I know I have my friends and family back home. And I have my bible, video games, movies, and art supplies. And when all else fails, I put on my running shoes and hit the road...or the gym...or the pool.