The Uninvited

So, I'm here in Mobile, Alabama waiting for the ship I'm on to be finished. I'm away from my family and loved ones for I don't know how long. I've tried to deal with being away from home by making a friend...a lone (and by this I mean at least one) friend for me to confide in and trust and hang out with. I must be too trusting or gullible or naive or stupid...because I feel like a complete failure. For some reason I thought finding a friend, a SINGLE FUCKING friend, would have been something reasonably simple. But no.

My mom raised me to never invite myself to anything. To some this may seem conceited if you don't know me, but you know, thats how I was raised. I don't invite myself somewhere I'm not invited to unless its family or a friend. And you know what? No one has invited me to shit. I thought I had a couple of friends, maybe one more...but they've all proven to be really good acquaintances. And I'm not one to attempt to make a friendship with someone who's not going to reciprocate. And I also really don't care for acquaintances.

I thank God for every day I have to live and wait on His time. I want nothing but to have someone to turn to, someone to talk to, someone to be able to connect with. And I know I have that in Him. I just wish I had a little bit of that here in a person in Mobile Alabama.

I don't know...I can't quite find the words to make it sound the way I'm feeling it. It sucks, but its not that bad. Especially since I know I have my friends and family back home. And I have my bible, video games, movies, and art supplies. And when all else fails, I put on my running shoes and hit the road...or the gym...or the pool.