If you wake up before you read this...

So, I'm here in Mobile...I think I've shared that already. I've been training for the passed couple months for a pretty heavy school I have coming up in 11 days. I plan on being a Search and Rescue swimmer for the Navy. So, I've been a little more strict on my eating plan (because diets are for morons) and I've been a little more serious with my training, pushing myself just a little bit harder than I normally do. I got the opportunity to go home for 3 weeks before I actually started my school and I loved every moment of it. I was able to be home with my family and train for my school at the same time. I was able to go to church and commune with the body of believers in Christ, which was awesome for me on every level possible.

I was miserable before I left for San Diego. My soul was crushed, my spirit was so so weak, and my will was nowhere to be found. I went home for 3 weeks, and God's hand was heavy on me. It still is. I've learned so many things since I became a christian. I guess one thing I never really grasped was how to suffer well. Mobile is a horrible place for me to be, honestly. I'm away from my family, doing nothing of any significant value to my career or the Navy as a whole, and my witness to everyone here has royally sucked.

While I was home, I don't know exactly what happened, but my feelings toward everything have now changed. I want to "build the wall AND defend it" here in Mobile. I need to be here and BE HERE. I need to be on mission AND on the job.

I don't know...anything. I don't have direction, or any clear vision of what I have to do while here. I just know I have to get to work. I need to just stop being such a self-sufficient fuck and just love God.

This blog might not be as neat or tidy or organized as my other posts on my myspace or anything, but that's whats on my mind, my heart and that's whats coming out of my fingertips. Yeah.