BEERFEST!

So yesterday was the 12th annual Mobile Beerfest. Its 31 bars and 3 beers per bar for 20$. Do the beers repeat? I don't know or care much. Its more of a way of Mobile to raise money for Bayfest than a way of actually showing off the locally brewed bears. Do I care much? Not really. I took off with one of the guys because I was DD'ing for him and that was ok too.

A bunch of guys we were trying to catch up were hopping around, making it a little more difficult for us to catch up with them. We walked around and ended up running into a bunch of non-Navy people that live here in the complex. It was alright. I met a couple of cool guys name Oscar and Jared. Oscar is half Mexican and half Italian. He and Jared think I'm some kind of comedian or something. He called me "primo" the whole night. I didn't really get it, but hey, if it makes him feel more Mexican, ORALE! He's from Forth Worth and got a ration and a half of shit for being from Texas. He took it like a champ. hahaha!

So the guy that I'm DD'ing for ends up taking off to...somewhere without telling me and I end up hanging out with one of the guys that we FINALLY caught up with. Good guy. The OTHER guys ended up going to another bar and we ended up...something. Hahaha...it was a long night so I don't remember all of it. We ended up walking in their general direction so we could catch up with them and we stop at a hot dog stand. I'm not a fan of hot dogs so we get one for my buddy.

There's two women standing there waiting for their order and we end up chit chatting with them. So picture this: We're at a hot dog stand, waiting on my buddies dog and we start chit chatting with these two women that are CLEARLY NOT Mobilites. I was getting some weirdish vibes and then one of them says, "I brought her and our kid out here." Ok...now as my friends you know where I stand with the whole homosexuality thing, but now RE-EXAMINE the situation! I'm standing there with my buddy at a hot dog stand talking to two lesbians who end up being from near our respective hometowns...and they're waiting on their hot dogs.

WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING I FOUGHT THE URGE TO BURST INTO TEARS LAUGHING AND ASK THEM IF THIS WAS HOW THEY GOT THEIR DAILY ALLOWANCE OF HOT WEINER!!! BLAHAHAHAHA!!!

We left the ladies to their hot dogs and resumed to walking in the direction of the rest of our people. But it turns out my buddy was still hungry so we stopped and had a couple beers and a pizza at this DELICIOUS pizzeria/restaurant called Buck's pizza. Talked to our waiter, Nick, whose apparently planning on moving out to L.A. in 2 months time. The pizza was delicious.

So we THEN do some more walking only to find them walking back our direction. And we all spend the rest of the evening at the place we started off initially meeting at. We picked up a couple of uninviteds, but whatever. Good times had by all.

Even with all the good times and distraction I had last night, all I wanted was to be home and in bed kissing my love. To have her near me and know that our little ones were safe and sound...and ASLEEP in their own beds...hahaha...

As the Pigeons Fly

I have to tell the truth
I have a weakness for women
In every state wherever I go
I know it isn't right I feel I'm barely swimming
And the waves keep on crashing down
After every show (Oh boy)
And what am I to do now
Where the hell is my crew now
Supposed to be watching my back
But they're jibbing too
And here she stands before me
And I'm trying to ignore thee
Possible chance of doing wrong
And now I sing my song

What is love, and am I in it
I really like girl and I think I should
What I feel, is there something in it
Cause if not I'm wasting her time
And that's just not good

I'm in the mall in Altadena
Looking through a new magazine
Takin' a little love test to see
If I'm even there
And now it's looking like I'm failing
And now I'm slowly inhaling
Is this issue of Sassy's for real
If so the next step's ill
And dude I'm way past confused now
What do I have to do now
Break up with the girl of my dreams
In the past made mistakes and
Regret every step so I say

And if I don't know what to say
And I'm just standing there in a daze
Please don't walk away so soon
My lady this it might just bloom
And if I don't know what to say
And I'm still standing there in a daze
Please don't walk away from me
Cause I am trapped now set me free

I have to tell the truth (ninjas)
Right now I have a girlfriend (uh oh)
And she'll probably break up with me
After hearing this song (it's like that)
But what am I to do ( I don't know)
I gotta share what I'm feeling (share it boy)
Cause if I can't tell the truth
Then there's something wrong
So I still ask

So I have to ask, So I have to ask
Da da dada, da da dadaadaa
I like you, I hate you
I want you, I love you
I like you, I hate you
I want you, I love you

I love the night sky...

I sit outside most nights. I just sit and look up into the dark blue canvas that is the sky...I love the moon. The pale white light it shines down in the night. It gives everything an almost nonexistent feel. It makes everything seem more cloudy and uncertain. Yet its that same white light that the moon shines down that I love to take in. I love to close my eyes and feel it brighten my sight.

I love the moon and the pale light it bathes everything in. But the clouds in the sky make it seem so much further away than it already is. I sit, waiting for the clouds to part so that I might have some of that lovely light that I love to feel on my face and see light up the night like a dark blue dream. The clouds are thick most nights and steal the moonlight from me. When it does shine through the breaks in the banks of clouds it makes even the clouds look beautiful and dark. And when there's a big enough break, the moon in all its pale glory shines triumphantly down on me with its soft white light, making me feel alive.

But those clouds. I hate those clouds. I don't care about how much of the moon is shining, as long as its shining on me. It could be just a pail white nail clipping in the sky, or a huge white ball of light with the man in the moon looking down on me with his sad face. I love it no matter how much it is.

And the nights of new moon? I still go out and just wait and stare into the pitch that is the night. The stars are pretty and all, but they don't shine like the moon. Their light is insufficient and ,just like the song says, they just twinkle. On the nights I can't see the moon because of the clouds or new moon, I just sit there in the dark and look up and patiently wait for the moon to come back and shine down on me. I let my eyes just take in the night. After a while I do get up and go in knowing that the moon will be there for me sometime soon.

Te amo Luna.

Listen to the music...

Just listen...can you hear that? The way the beats are engineered. The drums hit hard. My heart beat is in sync with them. The melody is beautiful. It floods my mind with colors and smells and feelings that lift me off the ground. Every track is a symphony.

Even the sad tracks are wonderful heart wrenching melodies. The tears well up in my eyes but I choke them back. I've tried to get you to sit with me and listen, but you won't. You say that it sounds nice, but I know you're not REALLY LISTENING to the music.

So I sit here, listening to the music by myself. I'll ask you every time you come by, till you finally listen. I don't care how long it takes, I have nothing but time to wait.

Tremendous Times

Where do I start...I've spent the last two weeks at my home in San Diego, away from the insanity that is my job in Mobile Alabama. It was probably one of the best times I've had in my life. You know, I'm going to try to get through this without crying, but thinking about everything I was a part of these passed couple weeks, I don't know if that'll be totally possible.

I had never really thought of where I was presently in my life. Our oldest son is about to start Kindergarten and our little one is finally talking. He's going to be 3 in October and for a while he just refused to talk. But I just came to the realization the other day that my kids think that I'm a superhero. I'm the daddy that can do it all. I know everything and I'm scared of nothing and there's nothing I can't do or invent, in their little minds. I love my boys so much and just thinking that thats where I'm at right now in life makes me miss them SOOO much more. To have them as babies is great, but now that I'm SUPERDAD...it sucks soooooo much to be away from them.

Juan Marco said that he hates daddy's job (because I've been away from them since October). Doing what, you ask? Nothing of any serious importance. But that's for another blog...a book maybe? Probably. Isaias is such a marvel. He LOVES his older brother SOOOO much. He follows him and copies him and sleeps with him and wants to do EVERYTHING his older brother does. I hope they never lose that relationship that they have right now. I have only one brother and I don't have the best of relationships with him, so I want our boys to have a special bond growing up.

I love my wife like crazy. More and more every day, whether I'm with her or not, I realize how much I love her and how sexy she really is. And I mean that in EVERY sense of the word. She drives me crazy no matter where we're at. We DO need to work on how we communicate though...jajaja...not that there's anything wrong with it, we just have different wiring schemes in our heads! But that just makes it more fun and interesting.

I can't thank God enough every day for all the blessings He's given me every day... my family, my life, my job, my health, the trials I go through that make me a stronger man for Him and for my family...and for my church. I love Kaleo. And I love Marina López and our 2 precious sons...Juan Marco and Isaias...

4 years today.

Today is an awesome day. Even though I'm not home to celebrate it, I thank God for my 4 year anniversary with my beloved wife, Marina. Its not easy, but it is wonderful. The way we get along, the way she supports me, loves me, and cares for me is remarkable. For a man to have a wife like mine is truly a blessing. She's strong, smart, her spirit is beautiful, and she's hot. God knew what He was doing when He made her...FOR ME!!!

I really can't begin to explain our love, our family, our dynamic...its like no other. Her sisters think I'm weird (guilty!). She talks to them sometimes about different things we do for each other...they mostly react in surprise, as if no other couple in the world did what we do for each other. I love her with all of me. Granted, its not much, but I love her like crazy. Her and our two wonderful, smart, beautiful boys.

I don't know...I can't really write too much right now...my mind is being pulled in 5 different directions on trains of thought of so many different things. Te amo mi reina!!! I hope every day to be a better man, father, and lover...so I can keep her in love with me. ;)

You remember that morning? I do. I LOVE that morning. I'll NEVER forget that morning. I looked at you and knew. It wasn't first time I'd laid my eyes on you...but it was the first time I REALLY saw you.

Its not the same...

So its Friday...well not really any more, but you get the picture. The work week is over and its time to relax...for the most part. My Friday was relatively easy. I woke up before 6am to go and swim a mile. I then went to work and then went BACK to the pool to train some more. Look at me all hard charging and what not...psh. I came back to my room and was getting ready for my run and passed clean out.

Naps are not a common occurrence for me, but I welcomed this one that descended upon me like a hawk on a field mouse. I woke to missed calls and a couple texts. I FINALLY showered my pool bleached ass and got ready to go have dinner with some friends I made here in the complex. It was very nice. I brought one of my other friends from work to meet them because he leaves for a month to go give a hand on a ship out of Virginia and I didn't not wanna hang out with him, so I brought him with me.

My friends liked my friend from work which was cool. We were all sitting in their apartment when someone suggested we go "out." Well, I was down to go out with my friends and have a good time. I was the DD since I don't want to have TOO much to do with alcohol till I'm done with SAR school. So we went downtown and went to a local spot that had opened up not too long ago. The atmosphere was alright, and the music was ok, but it wasn't the same as it was before. The dance floor, the lighting...something was missing. Something besides the beautiful woman I love. Something that would ignite that spark within me and make me move!

Well, I kind of lie when I say the music was ok because most of the music was shitty. Even so, I managed to have a good time with my friends. I'm pretty sure that they had a good time too. I didn't know how it would go letting my two seperate groups of friends meet. But we all had a good night, so thank God for that. AND we all got home safe, so double thanks for that!

If you wake up before you read this...

So, I'm here in Mobile...I think I've shared that already. I've been training for the passed couple months for a pretty heavy school I have coming up in 11 days. I plan on being a Search and Rescue swimmer for the Navy. So, I've been a little more strict on my eating plan (because diets are for morons) and I've been a little more serious with my training, pushing myself just a little bit harder than I normally do. I got the opportunity to go home for 3 weeks before I actually started my school and I loved every moment of it. I was able to be home with my family and train for my school at the same time. I was able to go to church and commune with the body of believers in Christ, which was awesome for me on every level possible.

I was miserable before I left for San Diego. My soul was crushed, my spirit was so so weak, and my will was nowhere to be found. I went home for 3 weeks, and God's hand was heavy on me. It still is. I've learned so many things since I became a christian. I guess one thing I never really grasped was how to suffer well. Mobile is a horrible place for me to be, honestly. I'm away from my family, doing nothing of any significant value to my career or the Navy as a whole, and my witness to everyone here has royally sucked.

While I was home, I don't know exactly what happened, but my feelings toward everything have now changed. I want to "build the wall AND defend it" here in Mobile. I need to be here and BE HERE. I need to be on mission AND on the job.

I don't know...anything. I don't have direction, or any clear vision of what I have to do while here. I just know I have to get to work. I need to just stop being such a self-sufficient fuck and just love God.

This blog might not be as neat or tidy or organized as my other posts on my myspace or anything, but that's whats on my mind, my heart and that's whats coming out of my fingertips. Yeah.

The Uninvited

So, I'm here in Mobile, Alabama waiting for the ship I'm on to be finished. I'm away from my family and loved ones for I don't know how long. I've tried to deal with being away from home by making a friend...a lone (and by this I mean at least one) friend for me to confide in and trust and hang out with. I must be too trusting or gullible or naive or stupid...because I feel like a complete failure. For some reason I thought finding a friend, a SINGLE FUCKING friend, would have been something reasonably simple. But no.

My mom raised me to never invite myself to anything. To some this may seem conceited if you don't know me, but you know, thats how I was raised. I don't invite myself somewhere I'm not invited to unless its family or a friend. And you know what? No one has invited me to shit. I thought I had a couple of friends, maybe one more...but they've all proven to be really good acquaintances. And I'm not one to attempt to make a friendship with someone who's not going to reciprocate. And I also really don't care for acquaintances.

I thank God for every day I have to live and wait on His time. I want nothing but to have someone to turn to, someone to talk to, someone to be able to connect with. And I know I have that in Him. I just wish I had a little bit of that here in a person in Mobile Alabama.

I don't know...I can't quite find the words to make it sound the way I'm feeling it. It sucks, but its not that bad. Especially since I know I have my friends and family back home. And I have my bible, video games, movies, and art supplies. And when all else fails, I put on my running shoes and hit the road...or the gym...or the pool.