Listen to the music...

Just listen...can you hear that? The way the beats are engineered. The drums hit hard. My heart beat is in sync with them. The melody is beautiful. It floods my mind with colors and smells and feelings that lift me off the ground. Every track is a symphony.

Even the sad tracks are wonderful heart wrenching melodies. The tears well up in my eyes but I choke them back. I've tried to get you to sit with me and listen, but you won't. You say that it sounds nice, but I know you're not REALLY LISTENING to the music.

So I sit here, listening to the music by myself. I'll ask you every time you come by, till you finally listen. I don't care how long it takes, I have nothing but time to wait.

Tremendous Times

Where do I start...I've spent the last two weeks at my home in San Diego, away from the insanity that is my job in Mobile Alabama. It was probably one of the best times I've had in my life. You know, I'm going to try to get through this without crying, but thinking about everything I was a part of these passed couple weeks, I don't know if that'll be totally possible.

I had never really thought of where I was presently in my life. Our oldest son is about to start Kindergarten and our little one is finally talking. He's going to be 3 in October and for a while he just refused to talk. But I just came to the realization the other day that my kids think that I'm a superhero. I'm the daddy that can do it all. I know everything and I'm scared of nothing and there's nothing I can't do or invent, in their little minds. I love my boys so much and just thinking that thats where I'm at right now in life makes me miss them SOOO much more. To have them as babies is great, but now that I'm SUPERDAD...it sucks soooooo much to be away from them.

Juan Marco said that he hates daddy's job (because I've been away from them since October). Doing what, you ask? Nothing of any serious importance. But that's for another blog...a book maybe? Probably. Isaias is such a marvel. He LOVES his older brother SOOOO much. He follows him and copies him and sleeps with him and wants to do EVERYTHING his older brother does. I hope they never lose that relationship that they have right now. I have only one brother and I don't have the best of relationships with him, so I want our boys to have a special bond growing up.

I love my wife like crazy. More and more every day, whether I'm with her or not, I realize how much I love her and how sexy she really is. And I mean that in EVERY sense of the word. She drives me crazy no matter where we're at. We DO need to work on how we communicate though...jajaja...not that there's anything wrong with it, we just have different wiring schemes in our heads! But that just makes it more fun and interesting.

I can't thank God enough every day for all the blessings He's given me every day... my family, my life, my job, my health, the trials I go through that make me a stronger man for Him and for my family...and for my church. I love Kaleo. And I love Marina López and our 2 precious sons...Juan Marco and Isaias...

4 years today.

Today is an awesome day. Even though I'm not home to celebrate it, I thank God for my 4 year anniversary with my beloved wife, Marina. Its not easy, but it is wonderful. The way we get along, the way she supports me, loves me, and cares for me is remarkable. For a man to have a wife like mine is truly a blessing. She's strong, smart, her spirit is beautiful, and she's hot. God knew what He was doing when He made her...FOR ME!!!

I really can't begin to explain our love, our family, our dynamic...its like no other. Her sisters think I'm weird (guilty!). She talks to them sometimes about different things we do for each other...they mostly react in surprise, as if no other couple in the world did what we do for each other. I love her with all of me. Granted, its not much, but I love her like crazy. Her and our two wonderful, smart, beautiful boys.

I don't know...I can't really write too much right now...my mind is being pulled in 5 different directions on trains of thought of so many different things. Te amo mi reina!!! I hope every day to be a better man, father, and lover...so I can keep her in love with me. ;)

You remember that morning? I do. I LOVE that morning. I'll NEVER forget that morning. I looked at you and knew. It wasn't first time I'd laid my eyes on you...but it was the first time I REALLY saw you.

Its not the same...

So its Friday...well not really any more, but you get the picture. The work week is over and its time to relax...for the most part. My Friday was relatively easy. I woke up before 6am to go and swim a mile. I then went to work and then went BACK to the pool to train some more. Look at me all hard charging and what not...psh. I came back to my room and was getting ready for my run and passed clean out.

Naps are not a common occurrence for me, but I welcomed this one that descended upon me like a hawk on a field mouse. I woke to missed calls and a couple texts. I FINALLY showered my pool bleached ass and got ready to go have dinner with some friends I made here in the complex. It was very nice. I brought one of my other friends from work to meet them because he leaves for a month to go give a hand on a ship out of Virginia and I didn't not wanna hang out with him, so I brought him with me.

My friends liked my friend from work which was cool. We were all sitting in their apartment when someone suggested we go "out." Well, I was down to go out with my friends and have a good time. I was the DD since I don't want to have TOO much to do with alcohol till I'm done with SAR school. So we went downtown and went to a local spot that had opened up not too long ago. The atmosphere was alright, and the music was ok, but it wasn't the same as it was before. The dance floor, the lighting...something was missing. Something besides the beautiful woman I love. Something that would ignite that spark within me and make me move!

Well, I kind of lie when I say the music was ok because most of the music was shitty. Even so, I managed to have a good time with my friends. I'm pretty sure that they had a good time too. I didn't know how it would go letting my two seperate groups of friends meet. But we all had a good night, so thank God for that. AND we all got home safe, so double thanks for that!

If you wake up before you read this...

So, I'm here in Mobile...I think I've shared that already. I've been training for the passed couple months for a pretty heavy school I have coming up in 11 days. I plan on being a Search and Rescue swimmer for the Navy. So, I've been a little more strict on my eating plan (because diets are for morons) and I've been a little more serious with my training, pushing myself just a little bit harder than I normally do. I got the opportunity to go home for 3 weeks before I actually started my school and I loved every moment of it. I was able to be home with my family and train for my school at the same time. I was able to go to church and commune with the body of believers in Christ, which was awesome for me on every level possible.

I was miserable before I left for San Diego. My soul was crushed, my spirit was so so weak, and my will was nowhere to be found. I went home for 3 weeks, and God's hand was heavy on me. It still is. I've learned so many things since I became a christian. I guess one thing I never really grasped was how to suffer well. Mobile is a horrible place for me to be, honestly. I'm away from my family, doing nothing of any significant value to my career or the Navy as a whole, and my witness to everyone here has royally sucked.

While I was home, I don't know exactly what happened, but my feelings toward everything have now changed. I want to "build the wall AND defend it" here in Mobile. I need to be here and BE HERE. I need to be on mission AND on the job.

I don't know...anything. I don't have direction, or any clear vision of what I have to do while here. I just know I have to get to work. I need to just stop being such a self-sufficient fuck and just love God.

This blog might not be as neat or tidy or organized as my other posts on my myspace or anything, but that's whats on my mind, my heart and that's whats coming out of my fingertips. Yeah.