Man Law: Laws for Men

1. Thou shalt not fight naked.
2. Chuck Norris.
3. You don't talk about Fight Club.
4.  The men's room is a safe haven for bodily functions. At NO TIME will you speak to your wife about what you heard.
5. There is no circumstance under which a man admitting to liking mani/pedis is acceptable.
6. Manscaping is an art that is never to be talked about.
7. It is not permissible for a man to hold a purse for a woman for more minutes than the woman scores on the classic 1-10 hotness scale. She brought it, she carries it.
8.  Unless you were having a conversation going IN to the bathroom there is no talking allowed. Unless it's at the sink, about sports
 9. The Law of the Locker Room:

• Talking is allowed
• Eye contact that is initiated AFTER entering the locker room is not
• Looking around is not.  It does not matter if you think someone is or isn't paying attention or engaged in your conversation.  If they are, they will respond.  Otherwise, shut up
• All conversations had in a locker room are open to any man present

10.  A man is not allowed to hide beer.  If you're not going to share it with everyone, don't invite those people.
11.  Beer is not wine. Do not talk about it as such.
12.  A man has the right to stock the beer of his choice in his refrigerator.

No complaining about another man’s choice of beer is permitted. This is inclusive of the man’s choice in bottles, kegs or cans.
Exceptions:

• Complaining is accepted and encouraged if the said beer is not served at a proper temperatures:
  
  • Serve fruit beers at 40-50° F.
  • Serve wheat beers and pale lagers at 45-50° F.
  • Serve pale ales and amber or dark lagers at 50-55° F.
  • Serve strong ales, such as barley wines and Belgian ales, at 50-55° F.
  • Serve dark ales, including porters and stouts, at 55-60° F.

13.  In a business setting a handshake, 2 shakes max, is an acceptable greeting for greeting another man. Outside of the business world, one of the two following nods is sufficient:

• When greeting a friend or buddy, use an upward nod of the head to signify familiarity and casualness.
• When greeting any other fellow man, use a downward nod to signify the unspoken man code, and the refusal of any form of challenge.

14. Eating healthy is Man Law. BUT, you are not allowed to:

• Ask for a tofu or soy substitute
• Eat a salad unless it contains a piece of something that used to have a face (eg meat)

15.  A man may only go Commando if returning from something awesome. No exceptions.

16.  Grilling is the manly choice for all forms of cooking. Anything can be grilled. Even soup.

17.  While a man can call another man ugly, a man may never say another man is handsome.
18.  If there's 3 urinals, don't take the center urinal.
19.  If there ARE 3 urinals and the left one is taken, take the farthest urinal...even if its a tiny urinal.
20.  There is no singing in the bathroom. You can hum GENTLY, almost unintelligibly, at the urinal, but that is it. No whistling 
21.  Never gamble on a fart. If at all possible, wait till inside the safe confines of the men's room.(see Man Law 4)
22.  A man may say, "Nice kicks." A man may NOT say, "I love your shoes!"
23.  A man is to stomp out all uninvited insects, pests, and rodents in his house, only when requested by his woman.  Only exception that can be stomped at will: anything poisonous
24.  Look in your closet. Those are all a man's pants.  Act as such when you put them on.
25.  Whenever possible, kill the meat you cook. And by cook, of course I mean grill.
26.  Instructions manuals are never to be used.  If you can't figure it out, call a buddy.
27.  Use a GPS only when necessary and only when with your woman.
28.  Never make eye contact with anyone else when eating a banana.
29.  Men have 9 colors: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple, Black, White, and Grey.  The only other color authorized is Gray.
30. You shall not directly talk about, or suggest talking about, men's depilatory habits.
31.  You don't talk about Fight Club.

Feel free to add whichever one's I might have missed.