Through the eyes of a 7 year old boy...

I was one of the "other woman's" kids.  My mom was raising us, and she was doing the best job she could, thank God.  When I was 7, I had a vision of family.  I had a vision of marriage.  I had a vision of friendship.  I got these visions from the shows I watched when I was little.  I watched Leave it to Beaver, The Adam's Family, The Munsters, and Gilligan's Island.  They all were great models of family, friendship, and in three of the four shows, marriage.  I gathered how a man should act, what a man should say, and how he should treat his kids and wife from those shows.  I loved those shows.

Coming from a broken, but blessed, family, I looked at fatherhood and marriage and two great blessings that I was going to "do right," just like in the shows.  I wanted to have a wife and a family that I loved and took care of like the men in those shows.  I KNEW that I was going to be able to do it just like the men in those shows, to care for my wife and family and be a role model that they loved and looked up to.

But no one told me how addicting sex would be.  No one told me how weak my flesh would be.  No one told me about lust.  No one told me about how hard it would be to fight my own mind and thoughts and desires.  No one explained to me that life, REAL-IN-COLOR life, is anything but easy.  No one told me that my own mind and body would be nothing short of my own greatest enemy.

As much as I fail, though, God is good.  He forgives me and loves me and is working on me.  I'm not perfect and I do fail, as many of you have seen firsthand, but regardless of how I've failed, God has always given me another last chance.  God is good.  He is strong.  He is love.  He can mend anything that we break.  But we have to let Him.  We have to want to mend it and allow His love and forgiveness to correct and rebuild us.  It's not easy.  I will fail again, one way or another, because my flesh is still fighting against what I know is right and perfect and good.  I want so bad to do what is good, right, and perfect.  But, I am not perfect...but my God is.  So I will keep coming to Him with a broken and humble heart, asking for my Father to love me and show me once again, how to love my wife and my boys and not fail them.  I will keep trying to be that Godly man and role model that my kids want to be when they grow up.  I want to model a Godly life of love, forgiveness, and repentance for them to be able to desire the same thing I desire now.

Parlon de ma génération...

I come from a broken generation.  A generation filled with broken children who have all grown up looking for love from other broken children.  I am one of them.  I look around me and I see some of my CHRISTIAN family exhibiting just how broken we really are, as they fall apart, while still searching out the face of our Father in heaven.  I see families just crumble, for reasons that I'm not privy to, but ultimately, because we're broken.  We all want to love and to be loved and to feel like we're the most important thing in someone's life.  I know I do...at least there's a part of me that does...we search and we try and we keep going until we feel like we've found it.  But being broken, we never quite acheive it...and we can't see it.   Its not easy, at all...even me, my friends, family, and loved ones know that I'm broken.  They know that I come from a very broken background and that I'm broken to a good degree.  That my desire to be loved and wanted is a large motivating factor in decisions I've made in the past.

Does this mean that I'm not trying to serve God? No.  I want to serve Him the way He wants me to...its just that my brokeness will lead me astray if I falter in my walk with God.  And I will falter, because I am human...but I DO love my Father, and wish only to be His child, because in the end, He is the only true and pure source of love.  He truly IS the only love that satisfies and fulfills.  He is the only one that will not fail or leave us broken.

Sigh...I look around me and all I see is children who want to be loved.  Broken children of broken parents who didn't really know what they were doing.  But the greatest good that they could've done, and hopefully DID do, was pointing us to our Father who loves us more than anything in this world could ever pretend to.  My friends, we are broken...but we are not unloved.  We may feel alone, but we are not abandoned.  My heart is sad at all the brokeness I see and feel...but filled with hope at the thought that our very brokeness could bring us in fellowship with our loving Father.

There's so much more I want to say...but the words just won't come.  God help us to see Your love through our brokeness.
 My precious little boy...

To men that are married or ever desire to be married.

Most of you should already know that I consider myself a Christian.  If I've ever shown you otherwise, I ask for your forgiveness in failing to show my faith in leaning upon God for everything.  With that said, I come to encourage you and call you as men, as well as remind myself, that if you are married or ever plan to get married, that you would take these words to heart and make them a part of you and how you live.  I say this not only for the sake of our wives or your future wives, but for our sake as men as well.  Know that while I might not continually call out specific verses of the Bible, every word contained here within is a direct reflection of God's word and is in no way to  be washed down or broken up in to "just the bits you like."

First, as men, we all want to lead.  Every man has a desire to lead and lead well.  But in a marriage, a man can not simply lead.  As men, we are called to lead by example and love by example.  We are called to sacrifice for our wives and families.  We are called to sacrifice first.  To love first. To forgive first.  To repent first.  To step out in faith first.  Why?  Why should we do all these things first?  Well, first, its because Christ sacrificed Himself for us, perfectly, and calls us to do it.  But secondly, if we don't do what is hard, how will our families ever grow in love?  If you don't do the things a man should in terms of not letting anger or sin or resentment remain in your relationship, how can you expect your wife to be able to step up and follow your lead?  These words are not easy, especially when we KNOW we are right.  Being right doesn't matter.  Loving, sacrificing and leading are what matter.  Christ was right in EVERYTHING He said and did, and yet He STILL chose to go to the cross and do what was supremely hard for the sake of His love, leadership, and sacrifice.

Second, when it comes to sacrificing first, this must mean putting our desires after those of our wife.  I know that we all have things we REALLY want to do, but we must love, honor, and pursue our wives first.  They must, without a doubt, know that we love them before any other thing we want to do.  When we've had a long day, or are not feeling so hot, this is not easy to do.  This is why WE are the men...this is a burden that was put on us.  We are not without help though.  God is there for us to lean on.  Only when our wives feel loved, honored and pursued should we feel free to take on our hobbies.  Let me put this in practical terms.  Do we REALLY want to be fishing, or drawing, or doing WHATEVER it is that we love to do, KNOWING that our beloved wife is sitting somewhere resenting the fact that we haven't sat with her and talked to her, taken her out for a movie, rubbed her shoulders, or otherwise served her lovingly?  Our answer should be no.  Is it easy?  Not all the time...not when we feel like we deserve a break or like we've earned our time to do what we like to do.  But you know what, this is OUR calling as men.

When it comes to repenting and forgiving first, these are areas that we don't think about too much.  I know because when I'm arguing with my beloved bride, and I know I'm right, I tend to buckle down and not give up till she admits she's wrong.  There are very few circumstances where this is right.  And by very few I mean VERY FEW.  Who said what on some random Thursday night or who left the ice creams out to melt are not reasons to go to war with your wife.  And yet, for the sake of being right, even when we KNOW we are right, we go to war with our love.  As men, we should forgive and repent first, regardless of being right or not.  There have been times when I step out, suck it up and prayerfully forgive and repent, even when I know I'm right, and wonderful things happen.  My marriage automatically gets 73% better!  My wife and I aren't upset at each other over something trivial any more!  And sometimes, when it is something kinda big (at least in my mind), my wife will normally come back and say that she was probably the one that was wrong.  Men, if you do this, ONLY GOOD THINGS CAN COME OF IT.

Stepping out in faith first requires that you live a life of faith in God first.  If you don't then you might not find this area too interesting.  But this will speak shortly to leading our family spiritually.  As men, we are called to love and lead our wives and enrich their walk with Him as well.  This means finding a good church and doing the things necessary to build our wives' faith and walk with Christ.  This means praying for her/praying over her.  This means reading the Bible.  This means if hard decisions come up with respect to our walk, we as men are called to seek out God's will and make the decision.  This doesn't mean that we should do this without our wives, but it means that ultimately, God will hold US accountable for the spiritual leadership of our wives.

All these things go against what our minds, our oh so logical minds, tell us is right.  They go against most, if not all, of what we've been taught is fair or expected of a man.  I'm glad that you see that, or at least feel it.  I still struggle with some of these aspects, so don't think I'm speaking down to any of you.  Quite the opposite, I'm typing this out so I have a black a white reference to go back to and read some of what's expected of me as a man.   You ask, "SOME of what's expected of me as a man...?" Yes, I said some.  This is by no means a complete list of all the things a man is called to do when he loves a woman.  But its a good foothold.  I encourage you, as my friends, to love, honor and pursue your wives as Christ loved us.  And if you want to know how Christ loved us, feel free to ask me.

The Beginning

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." --Proverbs 1:7

So...yeah...this verse sure seems pretty simple upon first glance. But its not. The concepts which it presents are preposterous to those who don't believe in God. So first of all, and very importantly, you must acknowledge and/or be aware of God's existence. He by no means demands obedience...He'll let us do what we want for our whole lives...but we must be prepared to answer for those actions when we are to be judged. God wants sons and daughters who are eager to do His will...to be loved by Him and directed in all their paths...He wants warriors, lovers, friends, truth speakers, counselors, listeners...anyone and everyone, to know His love.

BUT FIRST, we must know and feel the fear of the Lord. Now, fear isn't normally regarded as something desirable or good...but this isn't your average fear. The fear talked about in this verse isn't a cowering, crying fear as we wait for some big creepy god hidden in the skies to strike us down...or smite us if you'd prefer. ;) No, the fear spoken of here is the reverent fear a child has for their father. A father who loves them with everything he has and would do anything for his children. A father who displays that love with every breath his children take. The fear spoken of in THIS verse is respect and reverence for the Almighty Creator of the universe.

This is a fear that many people don't know...a fear that many people refuse to acknowledge because they claim that God doesn't exist. They hold their own intellect as their personal savior, rationalizing their existence through whatever means is most convenient to them so that they might stay on their earthen platform and claim their godhood. Oh, but they shall know the OTHER type of fear upon their expiration...they will know the terror of being judged by the God who created the mountains and valleys with His finger...who spoke everything into existence and made man His very own handywork.

Search your hardened hearts and know that God waits for you...as your savior through His son Jesus Christ...or as your Judge seated upon the throne which will only be looked upon with shame and regret when you go to be judged...if you can even look at it at all. Know that He wants to deliver you from the bondage you live in. You claim to be so free, yet your life is filled with the same distractions and diversions that you repeat over and over so as to forget for as long as you can that you need to be saved.

And yet, so many of you out there will just huff this off as more "religious crap," instead of the plea of a friend for you to know true love. Love that could change your life. Love that could deliver you from relying on your own limited and finite intelligence. Love that could move you to be a person that you never thought you'd be.

and thats why the verse goes, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." Because a fool will not and can not know real knowledge...sure, a fool can learn things and claim them and cling to those few things as their saving grace, but they will never know true knowledge, much less wisdom, without God.

I love you all and hope that I can help you...if even in the slightest way!

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.John 15:13
and I would, for any of you, that you might know Christ.

Springtime Apostrophe!

Everything looks so green, so lush, so beautiful when its in bloom and growing. Its not until Summer and the harvest time comes that you see what has truly had a purpose in its beauty.

As the flowers bud and the grass grows and the fields begin to sprout, you see everything so green...so bright, so lovely. But weeds grow along side the flowers and the grass and tares next to wheat. So while yes, the beauty of so much lush greenery is breathtaking, the usefullness and purpose (or lack there of) becomes apparent and obvious only after a time.

As the summer comes and the flowers grow and bloom, and the grass grows emerald green and beautiful and the wheat bends and sways in the wind, you see the weeds grow and begin to show their twisted fruit. As they grow, they spread, trying to choke out the other plants, to take their nutrients and sunlight. They dry out and the thorns and thistles begin to harden. They are a plague to man. They get stuck in your clothes in your shoes, they bother you and you wish they never existed. Really...who really, in their hearts, wishes weeds existed?

This is to illustrate, that even in nature, God illustrates that there are creations made for honor and beauty and creations made for dishonor. Is it fair? Who are you, finite man, to say what is fair? Who are you, in your less than 2000 years of oh-so-underwhelming technological advancements and knowledge, somehow manage to find more ways to spit in the face of an Almighty God that will one day judge you? To wag your finger in the face of He who created the planets and named every star? Who are you to assume you know how to lead your life, which is like an ant that you see eek along so slowly and seemingly aimlessly? Listen to the call of He that can save you, who wishes to love you more than anyone or anything on this planet could ever hope to. The One true God whose knowledge is folly to the "itelligent" of this world. Or else, be like the weeds, that are cursed by every soul; and when the harvest comes, is cut down and thrown in the furnace to burn.