I was one of the
"other woman's" kids. My mom was raising us, and she was doing the best
job she could, thank God. When I was 7, I had a vision of family. I
had a vision of marriage. I had a vision of friendship. I got these
visions from the shows I watched when I was little. I watched Leave it
to Beaver, The Adam's Family, The Munsters, and Gilligan's Island. They
all were great models of family, friendship, and in three of the four
shows, marriage. I gathered how a man should act, what a man should
say, and how he should treat his kids and wife from those shows. I
loved those shows.
Coming from a broken, but blessed, family, I looked at fatherhood and marriage and two great blessings that I was going to "do right," just like in the shows. I wanted to have a wife and a family that I loved and took care of like the men in those shows. I KNEW that I was going to be able to do it just like the men in those shows, to care for my wife and family and be a role model that they loved and looked up to.
But no one told me how addicting sex would be. No one told me how weak my flesh would be. No one told me about lust. No one told me about how hard it would be to fight my own mind and thoughts and desires. No one explained to me that life, REAL-IN-COLOR life, is anything but easy. No one told me that my own mind and body would be nothing short of my own greatest enemy.
As much as I fail, though, God is good. He forgives me and loves me and is working on me. I'm not perfect and I do fail, as many of you have seen firsthand, but regardless of how I've failed, God has always given me another last chance. God is good. He is strong. He is love. He can mend anything that we break. But we have to let Him. We have to want to mend it and allow His love and forgiveness to correct and rebuild us. It's not easy. I will fail again, one way or another, because my flesh is still fighting against what I know is right and perfect and good. I want so bad to do what is good, right, and perfect. But, I am not perfect...but my God is. So I will keep coming to Him with a broken and humble heart, asking for my Father to love me and show me once again, how to love my wife and my boys and not fail them. I will keep trying to be that Godly man and role model that my kids want to be when they grow up. I want to model a Godly life of love, forgiveness, and repentance for them to be able to desire the same thing I desire now.
Coming from a broken, but blessed, family, I looked at fatherhood and marriage and two great blessings that I was going to "do right," just like in the shows. I wanted to have a wife and a family that I loved and took care of like the men in those shows. I KNEW that I was going to be able to do it just like the men in those shows, to care for my wife and family and be a role model that they loved and looked up to.
But no one told me how addicting sex would be. No one told me how weak my flesh would be. No one told me about lust. No one told me about how hard it would be to fight my own mind and thoughts and desires. No one explained to me that life, REAL-IN-COLOR life, is anything but easy. No one told me that my own mind and body would be nothing short of my own greatest enemy.
As much as I fail, though, God is good. He forgives me and loves me and is working on me. I'm not perfect and I do fail, as many of you have seen firsthand, but regardless of how I've failed, God has always given me another last chance. God is good. He is strong. He is love. He can mend anything that we break. But we have to let Him. We have to want to mend it and allow His love and forgiveness to correct and rebuild us. It's not easy. I will fail again, one way or another, because my flesh is still fighting against what I know is right and perfect and good. I want so bad to do what is good, right, and perfect. But, I am not perfect...but my God is. So I will keep coming to Him with a broken and humble heart, asking for my Father to love me and show me once again, how to love my wife and my boys and not fail them. I will keep trying to be that Godly man and role model that my kids want to be when they grow up. I want to model a Godly life of love, forgiveness, and repentance for them to be able to desire the same thing I desire now.
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