To men that are married or ever desire to be married.

Most of you should already know that I consider myself a Christian.  If I've ever shown you otherwise, I ask for your forgiveness in failing to show my faith in leaning upon God for everything.  With that said, I come to encourage you and call you as men, as well as remind myself, that if you are married or ever plan to get married, that you would take these words to heart and make them a part of you and how you live.  I say this not only for the sake of our wives or your future wives, but for our sake as men as well.  Know that while I might not continually call out specific verses of the Bible, every word contained here within is a direct reflection of God's word and is in no way to  be washed down or broken up in to "just the bits you like."

First, as men, we all want to lead.  Every man has a desire to lead and lead well.  But in a marriage, a man can not simply lead.  As men, we are called to lead by example and love by example.  We are called to sacrifice for our wives and families.  We are called to sacrifice first.  To love first. To forgive first.  To repent first.  To step out in faith first.  Why?  Why should we do all these things first?  Well, first, its because Christ sacrificed Himself for us, perfectly, and calls us to do it.  But secondly, if we don't do what is hard, how will our families ever grow in love?  If you don't do the things a man should in terms of not letting anger or sin or resentment remain in your relationship, how can you expect your wife to be able to step up and follow your lead?  These words are not easy, especially when we KNOW we are right.  Being right doesn't matter.  Loving, sacrificing and leading are what matter.  Christ was right in EVERYTHING He said and did, and yet He STILL chose to go to the cross and do what was supremely hard for the sake of His love, leadership, and sacrifice.

Second, when it comes to sacrificing first, this must mean putting our desires after those of our wife.  I know that we all have things we REALLY want to do, but we must love, honor, and pursue our wives first.  They must, without a doubt, know that we love them before any other thing we want to do.  When we've had a long day, or are not feeling so hot, this is not easy to do.  This is why WE are the men...this is a burden that was put on us.  We are not without help though.  God is there for us to lean on.  Only when our wives feel loved, honored and pursued should we feel free to take on our hobbies.  Let me put this in practical terms.  Do we REALLY want to be fishing, or drawing, or doing WHATEVER it is that we love to do, KNOWING that our beloved wife is sitting somewhere resenting the fact that we haven't sat with her and talked to her, taken her out for a movie, rubbed her shoulders, or otherwise served her lovingly?  Our answer should be no.  Is it easy?  Not all the time...not when we feel like we deserve a break or like we've earned our time to do what we like to do.  But you know what, this is OUR calling as men.

When it comes to repenting and forgiving first, these are areas that we don't think about too much.  I know because when I'm arguing with my beloved bride, and I know I'm right, I tend to buckle down and not give up till she admits she's wrong.  There are very few circumstances where this is right.  And by very few I mean VERY FEW.  Who said what on some random Thursday night or who left the ice creams out to melt are not reasons to go to war with your wife.  And yet, for the sake of being right, even when we KNOW we are right, we go to war with our love.  As men, we should forgive and repent first, regardless of being right or not.  There have been times when I step out, suck it up and prayerfully forgive and repent, even when I know I'm right, and wonderful things happen.  My marriage automatically gets 73% better!  My wife and I aren't upset at each other over something trivial any more!  And sometimes, when it is something kinda big (at least in my mind), my wife will normally come back and say that she was probably the one that was wrong.  Men, if you do this, ONLY GOOD THINGS CAN COME OF IT.

Stepping out in faith first requires that you live a life of faith in God first.  If you don't then you might not find this area too interesting.  But this will speak shortly to leading our family spiritually.  As men, we are called to love and lead our wives and enrich their walk with Him as well.  This means finding a good church and doing the things necessary to build our wives' faith and walk with Christ.  This means praying for her/praying over her.  This means reading the Bible.  This means if hard decisions come up with respect to our walk, we as men are called to seek out God's will and make the decision.  This doesn't mean that we should do this without our wives, but it means that ultimately, God will hold US accountable for the spiritual leadership of our wives.

All these things go against what our minds, our oh so logical minds, tell us is right.  They go against most, if not all, of what we've been taught is fair or expected of a man.  I'm glad that you see that, or at least feel it.  I still struggle with some of these aspects, so don't think I'm speaking down to any of you.  Quite the opposite, I'm typing this out so I have a black a white reference to go back to and read some of what's expected of me as a man.   You ask, "SOME of what's expected of me as a man...?" Yes, I said some.  This is by no means a complete list of all the things a man is called to do when he loves a woman.  But its a good foothold.  I encourage you, as my friends, to love, honor and pursue your wives as Christ loved us.  And if you want to know how Christ loved us, feel free to ask me.